I stumbled across this the other day

I’ve since realized that when I travel, I can find exactly that kind of intense connection and never have to deal with any consequences. It isn’t that I can’t commit. I was with my last boyfriend for four years. It’s more like I move too fast sometimes. I get ahead of myself. Or at least I have in the past. Being gone allows me to move as fast as I can (which is REALLY REALLY fast) without ever having to worry about longevity.

On the one hand, I know that these misadventures I have probably lack the kind of deep satisfaction that comes from a slow-growing relationship. On the other hand, trees grow slow. Rock formations grow slow. Humans happen in a flash. It’s, utlimately, all over anyway. And occasionally I feel like the fleeting connections I have with people are most true to the way things actually are.

I just finished Authenticity the other day, which is all about our dissatisfaction with consumer culture and the desire for something more. Then it clicked. This feeling, it’s a symptom of living in a consumer society. I want deep meaningful relationships, I want them with everyone I meet and I want them now! Sounds rediculas does it not. We’re a society so into instant gratification that maybe yes, we tend to expect that from our relationships too. Or maybe it’s just me.

This attitude is being built into gadgets and the social software we use. ‘Click here to add x as friend’, ‘Add x to list of trusted users’, etc. That can’t be right. Friendship, trust, relationships, these things take time. Chatting should mean more than just a bunch of sms’s and relationships more than just regular emails and phone calls.

These are just tools. If they became all be have then we (I) need re-evaluate our connections to these tools.

That’s not going to help me shake the feeling or stop the bells from ringing.I suppose that’s just a scratch for a much larger itch. Or something like that?